Fixate the Positive
What we focus on matters. Have you ever had something you’ve tried to stop or get rid of from your life? When that thing is the sole focus of your thinking, it becomes incredibly challenging to stop said thing. I want to stop eating ice cream before bed. Well, if the only thing I’m thinking about is the ice cream I can’t have from 6-10 PM, it’s going to be an arduous process to nix that from my daily practice.
What I’m finding is that the same is true for how we treat people. I wonder if you can relate to this. I’ve had several experiences where people have said things like, “you’re not going to hurt me, right?” or “I don’t want to be another lesson for someone.” These comments are coming from a place of previous hurt or brokenness with the intention of history not repeating itself.
I noticed something “funny” happen, the exact thing these individuals were asking me not to do to them ended up being the way they treated me. See, there are times when we can be so hyper-focused on hurts we’ve experienced in the past that we end up treating people that same way down the road.
Jesus tells us what’s become known as the “Golden Rule.” He tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). There’s one simple thing I want to point out here. Jesus tells us in the positive to love our neighbor the way that we love ourselves. What He does not say is, “Do not love people the way that you would not like them to treat you.”
We tend towards what we fix on. If we are constantly thinking in the negative (what I don’t want to happen), we are increasingly susceptible to acting those out. For examples sake, let’s say you’ve been lied to in a past relationship and that’s not an experience or a relationship you’d like to be involved in again. Instead of saying, “we’re not going to lie to each other, right?” Say something like, “We’re going to tell the truth and be honest with each other.”
The focus then becomes fixed on being truthful as opposed to be fixing on trying not to lie. The end goal is the same – honesty – but the angle in which honesty is pursued differs. Are you with me?
This principle is not only for those in relationships. It’s true for the type of person you’re wanting to become. A helpful practice is to write down qualities you’d like to embody. In your list, write down the positive characteristics (I want to become a person who embodies ____ quality). Refrain from writing things like, “I don’t want to become like ____.”
Friend, our minds are powerful tools. What we fixate on matters. Biblical principles affirm this. Paul tells us, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” and right after this he charges, “Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me” (Philippians 4:8-9). The charge – fixate on the positive, then practice.
